18th June 2017 - Ben Oliver - Being a Father

Ben Oliver

18th June 2017

Being a Father

New Dads gain a lot of new jobs:

·         nappy changing,

·         wrestling with multi-function travel buggies

·         bedtime stories

·         … and much more besides!

Dads – some day all this nappy changing will just be a memory, but you’ll never stop being a father. More - it may be that for you, being a father is something wider than caring just for your biological children, because all can be fathers in Christ:

I am writing this not to shame you but to warn you as my dear children.  Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.  Therefore I urge you to imitate me.  For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church.

1 Cor 4:14-17

These words were written by the apostle Paul – a man who had a radical conversion to Christ, one that set him on a path to become a spiritual father to many.  Timothy was more that his apprentice; to Paul, he was a spiritual son.

That opportunity, to be a spiritual father, is open to us today.  But there’s a commitment you need to make to step up to that responsibility.  Its like walking out of hospital with a new baby, feeling very inadequate – but knowing “No-one else is going to step up, I need to do this”.

We undoubtedly had imperfect teachers (our own fathers), and we are undoubtedly underqualified – but God has asked to step up.  What does it take to be a great father?

Here are some ways.

Start by being God’s son

You can’t represent Him if you don’t know Him.  There’s gospel news here, good news – because anyone can do this, anytime!  Take the story of the prodigal son that Jesus once told.

The prodigal son – the younger son of a wealthy farmer – was a wastrel who had worked his way through his father’s money, reached rock bottom and started to dig.  Realising this, he made ready to go home and prepared a speech, to beg a place as a servant.  Reaching home, he starts to deliver his speech, but before he gets to the ‘servant’ offer, his father embraces him and throws a feast in his honour. 

Jesus audience would have been non-plussed at this point.  They were expecting something else, perhaps to hear of the son’s punishment for the offence he had caused his family.  Their attitude is represented in the story by a judgemental older son who cannot bring himself to join in the celebration for the son who was lost and is now found. 

Jesus’ deeper point is that both these sons are lost – they both need the father’s forgiveness.  Jesus came to bring that forgiveness, achieved through his death on the cross. Today, God is saying to all of us ‘come home’ – and through Jesus we can.

A Father’s identity is bound up in who he is, not what he does

Ben once had a conversation with his daughter that went a bit like this:

“Dad. How come you know the answer to everything?”

“Because I’m the best!”

“No Dad, its God first, then superman, then you.”

We Dads tend to be performance-based – but if you’re defined by your successes, then you are defined by failures too.  “The Big Ego Trip” – a book by Christian psychologist Glynn Harrison - argues that this leads to a roller-coaster identity crisis and is a big cause of mental health issues for men. 

God does not work your value out that way.  You have value not because you’re a big deal, but because God is a big deal, and he’s chosen you. Your identity doesn’t depend on good exam results, or on the opinion others have of you, or any of the other ways we use to judge our worth by our performance.

Fathers’ coach, they don’t complain. 

Watching football from the side-lines, when your child’s team loses every game all season long, tends to provoke a response, as Ben know from first-hand experience!  When you respond, you have a choice of coaching or complaining.

·         If you complain, pointing out failure, it makes your child less likely to try again for fear of being criticised.

·         But if you coach, they know you’re with them, and it encourages them to get back into the game and improve.

The apostle Paul demonstrates this so well; he wrote 2 letters to Timothy, full of coaching tips for the situation Timothy was facing:

“Timothy, my son, I am giving you this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by recalling them you may fight the battle well”

“Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly.”

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity”

Questions:

God desires every father to step up and be a coach in the lives of his child, biological or spiritual.  Where do you stand?

·         Are you a Timothy needing a father to mentor you?

·         Are you being stirred to be a father in God’s kingdom/ Read y to step up?

The film “Courageous” tells the story of how, when a tragedy strikes close to home, four police officers struggle with their faith and their roles as husbands and fathers, and together they make a decision that will change all of their lives.  Along the way it sets out a ‘code of conduct’ – things like:

·         Model how to talk with integrity

·         Teach others with respect

·         Call out behaviour where necessary

·         Realise that the job and hobbies have no eternal value, but the souls of your children do.

·         Determine where ever possible to mentor those in need; to guide, direct, and to break destructive habits

Will you stand up and take that challenge?